By Shannon Hayes Buescher
Looking at the relationship you have with yourself can be daunting.
It often means you are looking at parts of yourself that you don’t want to see. These might be parts that wear the distracting masks of overeating, drinking too much, shopping too much – you can fill in the blanks. All these behaviors are just covering up the old “stuff” that sits there; the parts of you that want you to believe that too close an examination is a bad idea. So you avoid looking, and in some way, make yourself feel safe.
Our society has made it almost normal to have this conflicting relationship. Look at how dieting has you convinced that you could be better, skinnier, more fit, etc. The diet industry has done a remarkable job in finding the ways to talk to that part of you that has you convinced that the only way to feel good about yourself is to look a certain way or be at a weight that is “acceptable” in our society.
When you buy into this mentality, you are separating from the most sacred relationship you have: the one that you have with yourself. This separation is the concentration on only your body, and it creates fear. This fear is why you cycle on and off diets. It is why you will judge and criticize your body. You feed the part that says you must cut out sugar or carbs, or work out for “X” amount of time to be OK. You paralyze yourself in shame and guilt when you overeat, binge or fall off the diet that was supposed to be the one that was “going to work.”
Letting go of the diet and the rules can feel terrifying. But once you are willing to look at the why underneath, you’ll find all the answers are right there, just waiting for you to see them. When you start connecting with you, you start to understand why you use food in your life. You start to understand the need for discipline with a diet makes you feel like you have control, because something in your life feels out of control. You start to understand that you eat all the cookies because it’s something fun to look forward to. It fills the space at night when you feel lonely. You start to see all the ways that the food is “filling” in your life.
These are the parts that can be hard to look at. These parts are the separations that you have created. Looking at them means setting boundaries, saying no, giving permission to take time for yourself, getting out of the bad relationship or friendship, putting yourself out there to foster new relationships or friendships. It means taking up the space that you’ve feared taking. It means somewhere underneath is you, and you matter, you are enough, broken pieces and all.
Buescher is registered and licensed dietitian. She has over 15 years of experience with nutritional counseling in sports nutrition, eating disorders and a non-diet approach to food. Visit hayes-nutrition.com.
