I used to think that loving who I am meant that I had to be perfect; that it was tied to who and how many people loved me.
I used to think that loving what I looked like was defined by others’ opinions of me; that I had to look like what the world thought was worthy of being beautiful.
Over the last couple of years, I have learned that loving myself is more than accepting who I am. It is protecting me. It is respecting me. It is choosing peace. It is inviting everything that uplifts me and removing everything that devalues, assaults, belittles and condemns me.
Loving myself is choosing to see my beauty, even when I don’t look the way I want to. It is realizing that it is my spirit and soul within that makes me beautiful. It is allowing myself to see the places that I still have to work on and grow in, in order to become all that I am designed to be. Here are a few ways that I have learned to love myself unconditionally, and my hope is that they help you do the same.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously. Pure horror fills the moment you trip over something in public, looking around to see if someone saw what happened. Instead of doing this, I have learned to laugh it off. Laughter is good for the soul, and anything that is good for the soul is good for you.
- Spend time alone. You are the one person in the world that you cannot escape from. You might as well get to know who you truly are by becoming acquainted with your thoughts, feelings, desires, fears, strengths and weaknesses.
- Become best friends with nature. You might not enjoy camping, snakes or bugs, but connecting with the stars in the sky, the sunrise, sunset or ocean reminds us of how naturally beautiful we are.
- Embrace change. There is no life without change, so we might as well get used to adapting – to everything from relationships to our hair, interests, abilities, and how we envision our future.
- Exercise. This is something that I am working on. We can hold so much in to the point where it feels like we’re going to explode. I have been there plenty of times, but one thing that helps my anxiety is exercise. Not only does it release feel-good hormones, but it strengthens your body and melts away stress.
- Let the past be the past. Forgiving others for what they have done – or didn’t do – frees you to grow and become who you were meant to be. It allows you to refill your heart and soul with love. Forgiveness cultivates love, and who doesn’t need more love in this life?
Self-love begins with self-exploration and discovery. From there, you can do the work to accept who you are, while looking forward to and doing the work of becoming who you hope to be.
But this thing called self-love is work. It requires tears of sorrow and joy. It requires opening wounds so they can be made whole, and looking back to see how the past effects the present, but focusing on the now and moving forward. It requires the knowledge that you are created just the way God wanted you to be. It requires taking care of yourself the way God cares for you.
Self-love is the foundation of being bold, courageous, great and free, and it’s everything I hoped and dreamed it would be.
Silerio is a St. Louis-based freelance writer, a blogger, and a film and TV writer and producer. Her work has appeared in The Root, Curly Nikki and The St. Louis American. For more information, visit shareesilerio.com or sincerelysharee.com.
